For Them

I live for other people

The realization hit me in the chest,
Nearly knocked me onto my ass.
Nothing I do is for myself.

I'm going to school so that I can get a refund check
To pay my landlord.
I visit campus to hang out with people there,
Because they get upset if I don't.
I don't partake in my worst habits,
Because other people would be disappointed in me.
I get out of bed and actually do things around the apartment,
Because my roommate would get annoyed if I didn't.
I keep my group on deviantART organized and active
Because the people in it want it to be.
I continue looking for a job so I can get money,
Because people are waiting for me to pay them back.
I smile,
Because someone requests it.
I'm still alive,
Because she would be torn to pieces if I wasn't.
I still try to reach my goals,
Because he would disappointed in me if I didn't.
I send messages to people who call me 'friend',
Because is I don't, they post passive aggressive messages online about me.
I eat,
Because people scold me if I don't.
I interact,
Because they expect me to.

I have my writing.
That's all I have that is my own.
And sometimes,
I feel like even that is done for others.
For him.
Not me.

I'm starting to wonder
Why I bother.
If it is all to make other people
Happy,
If I'm not happy while I do it all,
The why do I continue
To live my life for other people?