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FantasieAutor

Raina T. Black
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I'm All right

2 min read
Made it through the holidays with no issues! Had some amazing people donate to our family and we were able to make Christmas happen for the little. We're still backed up on bills and such, but the hubs (fiancee) is starting a new job soon (we hope) so that will help. All we need now is for our landlord to work with us on payments... and then for the electric company to keep their end of the deal. We do still have a gofundme, if anyone is interested in helping us reach our goal. It would be especially helpful because our only vehicle is out of commission which makes... everything difficult.

On the other hand, I've been able to work on writing a lot more. Only problem I am facing is that it is all geared toward my fandoms, and not anything truly original. Having trouble getting any real writing to stick with me. I would love love love some prompts and such! I intend to delve into some old groups, read over some older writing, etc. But still, any help/support getting me back into things is always welcome.

So there's my newest update. How was everyone's holidays? Hope they were well worth the stress that surely came with them!! 

:heart:
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I haven't been around at all since my last post. My intent was to get this blog back up and running and do the writing thing we all know I love so much. That hasn't been much of a possibility. I will explain why, but first let me give a little warning; below is some very sensitive information. I am sharing this because those that read my entries are some I hold dear and I know they will support me in this difficult time. But be warned that it is not something to read if you have anything against medical anything. I won't go into vivid detail, of course, but just in case you have an over-active imagination, this is me warning you.

~~~

So I'll just get right to it; I'm engaged (it happened on the 22nd of September, my birthday) and we are very happy. We've scheduled our wedding and started all of that fun stuff. He has a daughter from a previous relationship, and with all my heart, that little girl is my child and love. Her mother is still in her life, and I would never change that, but she calls me Momma and I couldn't be happier about it. But my fiancee and I have decided we want children of our own, as well.

In October, I found out I was pregnant. It was a joyous time, and we were so extremely happy. We decided to wait to announce it, because we wanted to know the due date and everything before we did. Then tragedy hit, and I was rushed to the hospital one morning with some bleeding. We were told, after 3hrs of tests, that I was on the verge of a miscarriage. I was sent home with strict orders not to work (I had started a job at the end of September in a childcare facility) and to stay in bed as much as possible. This in itself was hard, not knowing when I was going to lose my child, or how long it would take for me to be able to get back to work. It made bills difficult, of course, but emotionally I was a wreck.

I lost the baby, and started seeing an OBGYN to make sure everything was okay with me. That's when we found out I was pregnant with twins. I had lost the first, and the second was actually ectopic (stuck in my fallopian tube). The joy from knowing I was still pregnant didn't last. Being ectopic, the second embryo needed to be terminated in order to save me from some severe problems down the road. They had to induce a miscarriage using a chemo drug (it kills fast growing cells, which is exactly what an embryo is) and the drug itself made me very ill.

I was on week three of no work, ordered by the doctor. And then they told me I no longer had a job. They needed the hands, and I wasn't available. Okay, I get that, no problem. But the catch? They reported me as having quit without notice, and informed all my former coworkers of the same. So not only was I miserable, I had lost my job and the employer had been very dishonest about the circumstances. Due to state laws, this is not something I can fight, unfortunately. 

The second miscarriage came only about a week ago. It was a lot more intense than the first, and caused some emotional trauma on my end. I've been dealing with everything very poorly, as you might imagine, and find myself dropping into a bit of a depression. I am working to remedy this, but in the meantime it is DEBILITATING. I want nothing more than to lie in bed and cry my days away. I'm tired always. And I lose my patience and temper with my fiancee and that precious girl far more often than I care to admit. Yelling at those you love due to an unspoken anger is never a good or fun thing, but I can tell you now that it is worse in this situation. 

I just want to go back to normal. I want to find another job, or start childcare from my home. I want my fiancee to be able to find a job. I want to be able to pay bills again and not worry about whether or not our electricity will be shut off, or if we can pay rent. Because right now? All of that is a problem. We're broke. Medical bills and rent until now have sucked our savings dry and, despite family support, we've hit rock bottom. The worst part, to me, is not being able to buy gifts for the kiddo for Christmas. 

I'm honestly in a terrible place, both emotionally and physically. I want to be normal again. Normal for me, that is. And I don't know how to get there. I'm trying, I'm looking for help, but it's hard when I am unemployed and struggling with so much. My fiancee is trying, too. But, well, economy makes it more difficult. 

I've set up a fundraiser thing to try to collect some support, especially now. I'm not sure what else I can do, now, aside from everything we have been doing up to this point. No one seems interested in hiring us, and I don't feel entirely interested in the world right now. It's screwed me over so much up to this point, why would it bother doing me any good, now?

Anyway. That's me and my life and why I've been so MIA for the last month or so. I'm trying so hard to bounce back to myself, but it's getting me nowhere. But I'll get back. It will just take a lot more time than I thought.

If anyone is interested, or can, the link to my fundraiser is here: www.gofundme.com/isele8  Any bit helps, but please don't feel obligated. We'll find our way, as we always do. Everything just seems a lot harder in my current state.

I adore you all, and appreciate your never-ending love and support through the years. This has been one of the hardest things I've ever written, sharing such personal things, but I needed it somewhere and I knew this was a safe zone for me.

I hope all is well for you, my darlings, and that you are enjoying the time leading up to the Holidays. Blessed Be. 
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I lost the password to this account for a while. Life went crazy. I've found very little time for any writing beyond that that I do when I am on Tumblr. This is wearing greatly on me, to be honest, especially with all the things I have endured in the last couple of months. 

So.

My hope is to start writing again. Any and all inspiration is welcome. Please? :please:

I have missed this place. A lot. Come love me! 

:heart: 
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I fail entirely at doing anything related to writing these days. I apologize so many times over for my complete lack of new material. I keep saying that I'll be back soon, and promising new stuff, then never meeting the standards I've set for myself. That isn't fair to anyone, myself included. So, instead of promising things I'm not sure I can hold to, I'm writing to say something else.

Yes, I am still around. No, I do not intend to delete this profile. But no, I'm not sure when I will be able to post any new writing again. I hope to be able to post new writing sometime soon, but I can't promise that. In the meantime, I've been doing a lot of writing fanfiction. This is all on my other account -- StarryHunter -- and you're welcome to go browse. Just don't judge me for a few of the stories over there. There's several that I wrote nearing ten years ago and it is far from my best work.

But anyhow. This is my update. If anyone wants to send me some suggestions for stories they'd like to see, I'd be thrilled. Inspiration is short these days when it comes to anything but fanfiction.

I hope everyone is doing well and that you are all having a wonderful start to 2013.

Much love!

~Raina
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I suck

2 min read
I'm really bad at this 'doing stuff' thing. I'm so sorry to all of my amazing followers who have been expecting new writing from me =( Life just won't give me a break, and when it does, all of my attention goes elsewhere.

I've been talking to a very good friend of mine (Jo Ramsey, Young Adult author. You should totally look her up!) about getting back into writing and she is going to help get me back on track. So hopefully that will trigger some new stuff for me to post here.

In the meantime, if you're interested, I have a new writing blog. This one gets a lot more attention and feedback than the first one. Just follow the link and enjoy ^_^

Write-Your-Soul.tumblr.com

Uhm, I think that is all for today. I may pop in again soon with a short piece. No promises, but I'd like to get something up here. After so long, I hope I can still write ^^;

Until next time!

~Raina
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